Elephants and Gerbil Vomit

Today, we had assembly in school today. Usually we'd get a incredibly boring a dreary talk about morals, which somehow, however vague, manages to morph into some Jesus story. But today, oh no, it was different, it was a presentation by the WAG, or World Aid Group.

Now this group's intention is to have fundraising events in which the cash goes to good causes (more like the school teacher's alcohol fund). Now some, well, few, actually go to worthwhile things, like cancer research, but today, it was about elephants. More specifically, Ivory. Apparantly some African country wants to legalize ivory trade again. Now, normally, I'd be quite against this, but since their little "presentation", I couldn't care.

Firstly, some girl comes on and starts blethering on about something (with Michael Jackson music in the background), and then in come two people, dressed as Elephants. They start squealing. I hate squealing, and it pushed me to the point of thinking they'd be better being crushed by 3 tons of candlesticks. And then someone dressed up as a hunter comes in, and with a toy AK-47 started shooting the smaller one, who fell over. Apparently the smaller kid was supposed to be the mother. After that, she dragged off the dead one, and the baby one shouts "Oh no, you killed my mommy" in the most emotionless voice ever.

In reality, you had to be there to see how terribly assmunchingly crap it really was. And then, the miserable git who was narrating said:

"Remember, when you next kill an elephant, you're killing it's baby too".

Several things WRONG there!

1: Elephants don't squeal, they make a mooing noise most of the time, and then trumpet every so often.
2: Elephants can't speak
3: You don't hunt Elephants with AK-47s
4: I don't ever plan on killing an elephant, so why would I ever need such arsemunched advice?

So on principle (that I support nothing that is so incredibly stupid), I'm not supporting the WAG this time.

On a separate note, gerbil vomit.

I want the world to be drowned in gerbil vomit, so using the power of Google image search, I tried looking for gerbil vomit. I got one result. (See below)

Then I realized, "Well, rats don't vomit, so maybe gerbils don't". How incredibly stupid is that!? If a rat eats rat poison, it's screwed, royally. What an incredibly idiotic evolutionary trait! For that reason, the next rat I find will be shoved in smelly sock and superglued in. Then I'll throw it into a forest.

Moggy's tip of the day today is:
"If you feel like you're bleeding, consult a Frenchman. Their powers over bodily fluid supersede that of a telephone, if you take my meaning."

Stupid twat of a cat.

Signing off,
Andrew.


This is gerbil vomit. Not! I'll have to drown the world with Nature's Miracle Pet Mess EASY Clean-up...