Spides, chavs, or whatever you want to call them

What inspired humans to allow these shit-mongers to wander the planet? Nothing, and I mean nothing, irritates me as much as a spide. (I lie, there are plenty of things that irritate me as much, if not more, but it makes a sentence sound better if I make it sound as if it's the worst thing ever.)

Some of you, especially Americans may not know what a spide/chev is. These creatures exist by mainly parasitic means (sponging off social security without any intention of really finding a job), love dressing in labeled tracksuits, have the intelligence of the lesser spotted swamp worm, and insist on driving around in souped up Vauxhall Novas or Corsas. Basically they're scum. The males of this species can usually be found beating up old women and robbing their money, and females of the species are uncharacteristically orange (Scientists believe this is known as "overtannus fakus"), and will be found in shops using one of their 70 or so credit/store cards, spending the national income of a Swiss national in one go. The young of the species are usually found in parks, defacing monuments, peeing over park benches and drinking.

Basically, they're the scum of the earth, and should all be shot. Well, some of them are for crossing a local drug dealer, but I suppose it's no loss to the world.

First point I should concentrate on is their parasitic properties. A large section of the people living in the UK are normal, law-abiding citizens, who work, and pay taxes to provide for roads, education, health, etc. However, some of this money goes to support people not in work. Now, I don't have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with is that some of this money goes to people who have never had a job, and never will. Never ever will they contribute to society, unless you count a beaten up old woman as a contribution to society. Yet, they sponge some of the money us upstanding citizens pay. And what the hell for? I'll tell you! Drugs! Drink! Hideous clothes! Forget food and basic provisions, they don't matter. I wish they would starve.

Another thing is their stupid cars. A Vauxhall Nova is a pretty old car now. Unreliable and quite lacking in the design department. You can get one for about £200. But what spides do is unbelievable. Instead of getting a nice new car, they spend £200 getting a Nova, then spend £10,000 on "upgrading" the Nova. I mean, come on! What's so brilliant about a Nova engine at top revs, with tinted windows, alloys, with an exhaust 10 times as wide as their brains that explodes on a regular basis? And a 1kw soundsystem pumping in the back? Would it not be easier to buy a second-hand sports car? Then they cruise up and down a local promenade, blocking it with cars and scaring away the local population, or running over them. Many of them end up splatted over the bonnet of another car, as they have an affinity with driving at 110 mph down narrow country roads, usually with no seatbelts. Of course, the money used to buy these twats their cars was, at one point, mine.

Why do they insist on getting themselves £30,000 into debt? Then they complain that they need more money from the state? Do banks realise what they let themselves in for when they allow these people to borrow money? Spides have a strong love of credit cards, and, for the most idiotic reasons. When they get a credit card, they look at it, and read "Credit Limit, £2500", so they run off to the shops in the false delusion they have £2500 to spend. No chev, you have £18,820.79 to give to people whom you owe. God, what twats.

They breed like rabbits too. And the men breed with mingers too! I mean, what is appealing about an orangutan? There is nothing great about orange tans. Either that, or they have severe skin cancer from sleeping in sun-beds. A lot of them insist on wearing the most incredibly dumb-ass adidas tracksuits, wearing tons of jewellery (either stolen or from Argos), and riddled with drug-abuse related diseases. You know, some of them have babies so they can claim more money from the state!

Beating people up is on of their past-times. Especially people who are different from them (the majority of the population). When I become emperor of the universe, I shall pass a law disallowing them to exist. They all need to be slowly boiled in sloth excrement. Or slowly stretched apart by the Mid-Atlantic ridge.

Moggy's tip of the day: "A good cure for flatulence is to skin a teddy bear, boil the fluff and force it in the ear of the nearest 'earthworm', if you take my meaning."

Wonder what he mean's by 'earthworm'?

Signing off,
Andrew