Toilets

WARNING! If you don't like discussions involving toilets, urine, and smells, please read another blog. NOW! If not, feel free to read on and feel my anger at the public toilet.

Going to the toilet is one of those necessary things in life, unless you are anyone/thing of the following:

a) A baby
b) A caveman
c) Incontinent
d) A dumb bastard
e) You have no urinary/excretory system

If you're at home, that's no problem. If you're not, things get difficult. I take school toilets for example.

"Our toilets are modern, sophisticated, and full of the latest amenities." This is what I would be saying if it was 1950. It's now 2004, and these toilets stink. Literally. You are greeted by the most pungent smell of pee ever. And yes, that does include the local old-persons home. Feeling faint is a regular occurrence in here, seriously, it's that bad. MY pee doesn't smell like that. Mine doesn't really have a smell at all. Either something is wrong with me, other people, or the toilets. It's most probably the latter. I suggest industrial strength air freshener. You may need to use a gasmask to be able to walk in that stuff, but you need a gasmask anyway, so it's no extra hassle.

Secondly, the flushing issue. Being male, I have two options in the toilet, a urinal, or a toilet. Neither seems to have been flushed in the last 27 years. Every time you go to the urinal, you are greeted by a thin layer of urine in the bottom, which has either turned a nasty shade of black, or green. The other day, I actually saw water come out of the tubes! Wow! But the water kind of missed half of the odd coloured liquid in the bottom, and kind of floated over anything it did hit. What the hell is that in those urinals!?
Then of course the toilets themselves. Half of them are never ever flushed. You need to go to relieve your bowels, and you are greeted by a great big floating turd! Either that, or someone has diahorreaed over the toilet bowl, toilet seat, floor and wall. Both smell like shite (literally), and occasionally are an off shade of green. Hardly something screaming "Come have a shite in me!" These toilets really need to clean up their act... I know, that was the most gawd-awful joke ever. Sorry.

And then there is the toilet paper. Well, I use "toilet paper" in the loosest sense possible. Tracing paper would be a much more accurate terminology. And it seriously is as bad as that. Well, if you can actually find any toilet/tracing paper. Either it's all been stuffed down the toilet by a person with severe toilet trouble, or tossed about the bathroom.
On finding some of this paper, I took a piece, and tried to trace something. 'Lo and behold, it actually worked! A really great thing?
Erm, no. Have you tried cleaning yourself after relieving yourself? If you've never tried this paper, I dunno how to describe it. I suppose if you've used sandpaper, it might be similar to that. I wouldn't know. In any case, not only is it a pain to use, it;s useless too. It has 0 absorbency. I dunno how the females are supposed to use it.

Well, I'm glad to say that our school is beginning to address these problems, but I can say no more than that, because this is supposed to be a complaints blog. I am miffed. My happiness is directed at others. If it surfaces. Ever.

One of our mystery bloggers has appeared. His name is Chris, and he will (hopefully) be contributing stuff. Well, I'm being quite positive there. I actually have no confidence in his reliability when it comes to it, and I'm sure his name will disappear off the list quickly enough. So cruel am I.

Moggy's Tip of the Day:
"Snow can be yellow, if you take my meaning."

Ewww. That's just gross.

Signing off,
Andrew.