Shopping

You're doing the weekly shopping, looking for some bargains, as we all do. Of course, for some reason, most people are incredibly stupid when it comes to shopping.

OK, you're in a shop, and you see "Xbury's Daily Milk" chocolate bar, on offer, BUY TWO, GET ONE FREE! It's incredible how many people are stupid enough to fall for that trick. Most people wouldn't have bough a Daily Milk chocolate bar in the first place, but they think they're getting a bargain! No you twots! It's XBury who is getting the bargain. Instead of selling 0, making 0 profit, they have a net sale of +1 bar, which earns them money! Are you blind?

Along the similar lines it's "REDUCED from £60 to £15". I know too many people who do the omfg it's a bargain thing. "Oh my fecking gawd! It's an absolute bargain! I save a whopping £45! Wow! Think what I could spend that £45 on!". Foolish boy/girl! You weren't going to buy it in the first place, so you haven't saved £45, you've just wasted £15. Why do you do it! I mean come on! Are people that stupid?

Shifting away from bargain hunting stupidity, you get the most incredibly dickheaded salespeople ever, who just never get a hint. Most of the time, they ask you the most stupid question ever:

"Do you need any help?"
"No."

So now what? Dicky Salesman has to leave you alone now, as he asked a very very closed question and got an even more closed answer. Fool.
Then you get Mr "I'm not going to leave you alone until you buy something, then I'll get really stroppy on you if you don't" salesman. These are even worse. You might think of these as the door to door salesmen you get.

Salesman: "Hi! Are you interested in double glazing?" *jams foot in door to stop you closing it*
Slightly annoyed houseowner: "No. This house is already doubled glazed" *starts trying to push door shut"
Salesman: "I bet you it cost twice as much as with us. Here at eezeewindow, we pride ourselves on cheap prices. We can do it for half the price"
Slightly more annoyed houseowner: "But I don't need them, they are doub...." *begins to squeeze Salesman's foot*
Salesman: Of course for you we'll offer discount for you! How's your mother?
Pretty annoyed houseowner: "Dead, she died two..."
Salesman: "Mine too, always a hassle, the old boots!" *laughs*
Very annoyed houseowner: "How dare you, you insolent bast..." *starts crushing salesman's foot*
Salesman: "I know! Mine said that to me as well! By the way, my foot has been surgically replaces by a steel stub. That won't work. Can I come in?"
Murderous houseowner: "A steel foot? Wow? What about your neck?"
Salesman: "My neck?" *feels neck* "Seems fine and fleshy to me, why do you ask?"

Prosecution barrister: "Mr Houseowner, according to witnesses, you ripped off the salesman's head, beat it around a bit with some cow udders, and threw it in the engine of a conveniently nearby Boeing 747, is this true?"

You get the picture I'm sure.

God I hate shopping, and everything to do with it. And why does it take a company to be threatened ridicule by Watchdog until it does anything? Stupid corporate fatcats!

Talking of cats:
Moggy's Tip of the Day: "An irate bus inspector will cause no harm to a local amoeba, but will cause nothing but distress in worry for canister number 28280017-C, if you take my meaning."

That's not my experience. An irate bus inspector just throws you off the bus. Wanker.

Signing off,
Andrew.