Personal Hygiene

An incredibly irritating thing is having to sit beside a person who most obviously hasn't washed since The Spanish Inquisition. BO pissed me off something serious, and today, I shall rant about it.

There is a certain person I know, and he absolutely wreaks to high hell. Every time you go within 5 metres of this guy, you are repelled by an incredibly pungent smell normally associated with rotting carcasses or an illegal abatoire dealing in rotting flesh. If it's possible for BO to be an entity, this is that person. I don't know if this person just doesn't have a shower, or his house doesn't actually have a shower either. I'd prefer to think it's the latter, because there really is no excuse for having armpits like Transylvanian swamps. Originally, I thought there was something wrong with my nose, but I'm not the only one to think Person X is a good reminder of what it's like when you're trapped in a tank full of ammonia gas.

There are no end of things that can help you stay nice and unsmelly. Like soap. Soap is a very useful tool when it comes to unsmellifying yourself. The basic steps are so easy. All you require is this wonderstuff and water (of which there is plenty about here in Northern Ireland). Please, all you smelly people out there, have a rinse at least, or better yet, a concentrated sulphuric acid bath to help cleanse away those rotting smells.

And deodorant. What is wrong with using a bit of deodorant? It's so simple. Get up, have a wash, put on some deodorant. And don't argue it's a waste of time. 10 seconds is a small price to pay for social acceptance. Don't these people realise why no-one will get within 14 bus lengths of them? I'd rather be preached at by Free Presbyterians than sit beside someone who smells of cat diarrhea.

Surely the concept of "wash before you come into contact with even the bloody pet worm" should be force intergrated into the brains of these people? I suggest using a battering ram to smash it violently into their heads. Or removal of their brains through their eye sockets, being put in a blender with "Hygiene rules" written on a piece if paper, blended, and force feed the mixture up their nose. ANYTHING to stop the smell, and I mean anything.

If I want to be exposed to smelly stuff, I'll walk into a tub of rotting pidgeon shit, which I never ever plan to do. I plead to all smelly people out there, wash for gawd's sake.

Moggy's Tip of the Day:
"Miserable lightbulbs can blow up in your face, if you take my meaning."

I'll take special care to be nice to my lightbulbs then. Thanks Moggy.

Signing off,
Andrew.